Naming and Relating to Your Nervous System

Why give it a name

Giving your nervous system a name, or imagining it as an animal, can create a little distance. It also gives you someone to turn toward. When something activates you, you can think, "There is the one that notices every disturbance," instead of "I am a mess." The goal is to relate to it with compassion.

Naming is optional. Some people prefer to simply say "my nervous system," and that works as well.

Choosing a name or an animal

You can use:

• A person's name, which gives you someone to turn toward and speak to kindly
• An animal, which many people find easier to be gentle with than they are with themselves. We know how to treat a frightened animal, and we know it cannot be blamed for instinct
• A mix, such as an animal with a name, or a character that captures how your system behaves

It can help to choose something that feels true rather than flattering. A warm and fuzzy choice that does not match your experience may not be as useful as a metaphor that makes you say, "Yes, that is exactly how it acts." People have chosen things like a heroic golden retriever, a hungry butterfly, or a perfectionist composer. Each captures a pattern that can be noticed, thanked, and then decided about.

Notice your tone

Your nervous system does not hear the words, but it responds to tone and intention. A name chosen with a sneer, such as one that mocks it for being skittish or tough, can add to the activation. A gentler stance helps: "You are working hard right now. I am here. We are okay."

If you notice impatience or disappointment, that is useful to know. You can regulate a little, and then come at it again from a kinder place.

Hold it lightly

• Avoid labels that become identities, like "I am a fight person" or "I am a flight person." These can stick and cause difficulty
• The aim is to tend to your nervous system and make space for it. It is not to tame, train, coach, or resist it
• You can change the name at any time

Using it in a faith transition

Seasons of change can set off a lot of alarms, including in places that used to feel safe. Having a name for the one who sounds the alarm can make it easier to respond to when a comment lands badly at church, or when a conversation with family starts to heat up. You can say, in your mind, "I see you. Thank you for looking out for me."

The next segment is a guided practice that uses your choice.